We’ve all Heard It, Those Questions

It doesn’t matter what type of homeschooler you are we all hear one question that to me is like a fingernail on the chalkboard, “If your child is not in public school, how will she learn what it will be like in the real world?” I guess most people do not think we as homeschoolers or unschoolers can truly prepare our child for the real world, or how to work in a structured atmosphere.

We have had a few days here that have drove home for us, that no matter what type of homeschool method you use, you truly do have an influence on teaching your child the importance of responsibility, which isn’t that what the real world is all about, being responsible, accomplishing all that needs to be done, rather it be in the home or on the job?

We woke one morning and Selena chose to do her school work on her own without waiting for me. I take my hat off and pat her on the back for having the initiative to accomplish this task without me, however we had a test that needed to be taken in one of her subjects. I always have her do these tests first before the rest of her work, as I know that they can be lengthy. She chose to do all the subjects but the one with the test. When I presented her with the test, of course the complaining began. I had two choices knowing she had done so much writing all ready I could have put the test off until the next day, or knowing that I truly prefer that Selena wait for complete instructions first before moving on by herself I could make her do it and give consequences for her attitude. She complained, she whined, she tried to get out of the test anyway she could, only to discover that with each attempt she was losing more fun things during the day. Needless to say she finally composed herself and completed the test. She did not earn back all her fun things but we did compromise on a couple.

The following day a family was going to come over so the kids could play. Selena got up and was helping to straiten up the house, then suddenly sat down to start her school work. This morning she was being very careful to not spoil having a play date. We were just finishing up when our phone rang. I pretty much knew from that moment who it was and what it was about. You see our friends homeschool as well, it so happens that her daughter had an assignment from Co-op, which was due the following day. She had hid it in her backpack and did not show it to her mom. Mom discovered it and had two choices, leave it undone to come play with us, then explain why it wasn’t done, or pull the play date and make her do the assignment. I do believe her daughter learned two valuable lessons here, the affect this had on herself by not completing her homework, but also the affect it had on everyone else, how disappointed it made Selena that she was not going to come over.

Do we as homeschoolers teach our children about real life? Do we prepare them for the work force? Well, in these two instances I think one can truly see that while it seems that our children have more time on their hands, and run around having fun, that in so many of the decisions we make truly does train them in many areas of life. I do not know of many homeschooling parents who do not take this task too lightly, who just let the child call every single shot of her day, nor worry about them getting their work done. We might look more relaxed, appear to have so much more time on our hands for fun activities, more time to laugh, play, and be with each other, but one thing we all agree with is that the work must get done first and foremost. Isn’t that what preparing them for the real world, and the workforce is all about?

Left Brain/Right Brain Dominant?

I still find it so amazing that we live in a time when many think bright children are that way only due to how their brains are wired. Well, I admit that to some degree they are right, but is there truly a child that would fit a left brain thinker or a right brain thinker?

As we watch Selena grow and watch her world evolve around her, we see this analogy a little differently. Many would place her as a left brain thinker. Yes, she is a thinker, a very deep thinker, very precise, in everything she does. It is funny to even watch her in her imaginary play, for example:

She loves to play barber shop with Papa. You know the first thing she has to do is wash his hair. Oh but she has to make sure the hoses are in the right place, so the water flows at just the right level, and temperature. She tracks her imaginary hoses up the wall across the ceiling over to our fire place, where her imaginary hose hooks up to. She twists the nob on the handle many times to both turn on the water as well as check it’s temperature, and watches to make sure the water is flowing through the hoses along the ceiling down the wall, to where Papa is waiting to get his hair shampooed. (Are you laughing yet?)

In everything that Selena does, imagines, or pretends there is so many small details that goes into her thought process, yet each one has it’s own touch of creativity. She sees so much detail in the beauty around her, from the stars at night to the clouds in the day. The simplest form of art can take on so much meaning to Selena. She doesn’t just sit and color in coloring books or draw a picture of a person or a house, but she creates the most in depth story plot that is going on in her mind at the time. The simplest drawing of Thanksgiving turns in to one of us dressed as a turkey having dinner with a hippo. Or a simple bowl of soup turns into a elaborate picture of noodles, twisting and twirling this way and that way.

Through observing her so closely it isn’t hard to see that for as strong as her left brain might be working towards the science of how things work, her right brain is working just as hard to bring out the beauty in everything she sees.

While maybe some people are more likely to be dominated by either the right brain or the left brain when it comes down to their abilities and the way they think or see things, but if one is to really look hard even in the best scientists or engineers we have, one can see where the right brain is just as strong in their creativity of what the left brain is thinking. Same with any artist or musician, if not for the left brain they wouldn’t be so precise with the paint strokes or musical notes.

To those who categorize people in such small boxes as left brained or right brained, I say step back and really take another look. Really observe the thought process that is taking place as they write music, play an instrument, or paint a picture. Look at how much creativity really takes place when an engineer designs a new building, freeway system, or a computer program. Truly both sides of the brain is used in everything we do, if not the greatest artists, scientists would only be sitting on a chair as a thinker with no motivation to get up and create.

When we look at our children we truly realize we need to exercise the entire brain, so what if they are not as creative as another child, or as good in academics. To only focus on just one part of the equation is truly giving our children a disadvantage. Some children are very good at combining both sides and making some real astounding results, we sure know that Selena can.

What do you think? Is there truly any truth to a left brain or right brain thinker?

Our First Week of School

I debated over writing this post and sharing it with all my readers, but then I decided that there might be something my readers might be able to take away from our experience. I wish I could report that our first week in school was a dreamy, happy experience, but unfortunately it has been a nightmare.

Selena has not been able to adjust easily into the classroom setting. Since the teacher had not said anything to me that she was having problems, I planned on going to a Women’s Bible Study on Wednesday. Selena was worried that I wouldn’t be home while she was in school, and we discussed that it would be OK that Grandma would be there to pick her up. I even let her watch as I set the alarm on my phone telling me it was time to leave to get home in time.

We had a bit of a melt down when we first got to school, but I thought we had worked through it and Selena jumped right into the classroom and went right to work on her craft.

It was nearing time when I would be picking Selena up when my phone rang, I thought at first it was my alarm, and was getting my stuff to leave. I grabbed my phone to realize it was a call from the school. It was a call from the Principal, he had Selena in his office and needed my assistance for some behavior problems. I called as I left the church and let them know I was on my way. What was to come is very disturbing or it was to me.

I arrived at school to find Selena pacing back and forth with her back pack on her back, she was pale, and beginning to look bluish gray, she wasn’t breathing, she was hyper ventilating. I hit the door and quickly stormed in, only to catch Selena in my arms, now sobbing over the sight of me. I got down on my knee and told her to breath, all the while looking around to see why someone in the office had not realized that Selena was not breathing and close to passing out.

The Principal called us into his office, which triggered another anxiety attack, which I quickly was able to calm Selena’s nerves. What was to come next was hearing that my Kindergartener on her 4th day of school was going to be suspendered from school. Yes, you are reading that correctly, she was being suspended because she had an anxiety attack in the classroom and couldn’t breath, so she got up started passing washing her hands, then passing back until it became a run around the classroom, trying to figure out what to do. I came home called our Pediatrician immediately and made an appointment for the very next morning.

I don’t think I have to say how unpleased our Pediatrician was with all of this, she was as upset as I was, and called the school to talk with the Principal. She also recommended that we take Selena to a Pediatric Psychologist who can help her with her anxieties.

When we came home I called to talk to the Principal, I left a message that I wanted a plan in place to prevent this from happening again. It didn’t take him long to call me back. We will meet as a team him, myself and her teacher on Monday to create this plan. Then Selena can return back to school on Tuesday.

Our Pediatrician said we are not to have them even mention IEP, and if in the plan they do not include the opportunity for Selena to test for the accelerated classes, she is to get another call so that she can yet again intervene. It has been very trying and very disturbing to us, and we fully feel the school over reacted and handled this situation in a very poor manner.

We do not know at this point if we will continue with the Public school, that is yet to be determined. I guess if there is any advice I can give is, know your child, have a good relationship with your Pediatrician, and do not ever let the schools take over the situation. You be the proactive party and do the work with the help of those who know your child the best. Don’t let anyone in the school system even begin to label your child unnecessarily. They don’t always have the full picture before placing these labels, and believe me these labels go with your child throughout the rest of their educational years.

Oh For The Love of Sports

I will be the first to admit that I love sports as much as my husband. I enjoy watching a good baseball, basketball, or football game. My passion for sports even extends into watching golf, bowling, car racing, and horse racing. Growing up sports were a huge part of our family time. It was very easy for me to register Selena for T-Ball. We looked at Softball but WOW! they want an arm and a leg just for registration alone and then that does not include uniforms or any equipment.

While Selena is the only girl on her team, she enjoyed her first practice very much. She did complain it was cold, and her little cheeks were very red when we finished. She however, worked just as hard as anyone else to learn the game and had a lot of fun.

One thing about organized sports I do not like is some of the attitudes of the parents. While we encourage, and build up everyone on the team, as does most parents, there just always seems to be the one who goes beyond encouraging to tearing down. During practice I overheard one such parent tell his son “Do you want me to take you down and enroll you in dance? I will you know!” My heart sank very deep and it was all I could do to not walk straight over and have words with this father. I think the saddest part of it all is he is the coach for our team.

Papa and I discussed this situation and have concluded that should we hear more remarks like this from him, we will place a formal complaint with the Little League Organization. We sure hope that any parent who volunteers to be a coach would at least agree to the code of ethics that they ask all of us parents to adhere to. It is sad that it only takes one parent to make you question team sports.

The important part now is that Selena is enjoying them and having fun!

Before her practice she did get a hold of my camera, which is a huge No No and took a picture of herself ready for her first day of practice.

To Pinterest or Not to Pinterest?

We all have seen the different articles and posts about Pinterest. We have read the pros and the cons. When I first signed up for Pinterest I truly didn’t know much about it, how it worked, and most of what I seen at the time were cute sayings, that reflected my interest. As time went by though, every time I went to pin something, I felt guilty, I had a lump in my gut telling me, so I truly have the right to pin this? Who does this really belong to? How would I really feel to find my pictures pinned?

I suppose after years of graphic design, web designs, I learned a lot about copyright. I suppose this was the lump in my gut saying something is wrong here. I stopped pinning, kept adding followers, but never pinned to my boards anymore. I finally closed my pinterest account and have no regrets.

This weekend this article was posted which truly summed up my feelings about Pinterest and their policies. I know many of us bloggers, me included blog to share our ideas, things we’ve tried, recipes, crafts and such with everyone else. We share what is working and what is not. We hope we are able to add a little wisdom, support, and fun to our readers. We openly share photos, and open our homes up to our readers. While we do all of this we open ourselves up to some very vulnerabilities. I am not talking about some of the past issues, or concerns about are we putting our children at risk, but more about the act of someone stilling our hard work, our writings, pictures, everything we put on our blog? I have heard sadly where there are those who do still entire post content from blogs and post it as their own. While I must say I have never had this happen to me, nor know of it happen in my circle of followers, this is a reality of sharing on the Internet. I think all of us can at this point say, Oh That is so Wrong!

I have seen a few of my photos pinned, pretty much just pictures of cookies I have baked, I guess it didn’t really bother me, when I knew the person that was pinning these, but when I discovered complete strangers pinning from my friends boards, my pictures, I began to ask, am I loosing control of my personal ownership of my files, pictures, content?

Here we go this is the copyright law as it is written:

What is copyright?

According to the Graphic Artists Guild Handbook: Pricing & Ethical Guidelines, 13^th Edition, “Artists’ rights to control the use of their original creative art are defined primarily by copyright law.”

Copyright includes a bundle of individual rights, which allow the author to reproduce, display and distribute their work, or intellectual property. In the past, intellectual property required copyright registration in order to be protected. Current law says that from the moment a piece of intellectual property has been created, whether it’s a photograph, logo, song, article or drawing, it is protected by copyright – with no need for registration. That means that as long as you created the work, the copyright belongs to you. 

I guess it comes down to this: many bloggers make templates that they post for the taking, they usually tell you that this is a downloadable file. Many share recipes, which at this point they expect that you will try their recipe to see if you enjoy it too. We share ideas, crafts, science experiments, things our children are learning, that we expect you to either take and try or leave. For the most part when we use someone’s idea, we all are good about giving credit for where we got the idea. Yet, we don’t post other’s pictures on our blog, we don’t go around and take each other’s pictures and publicly post them on our blog and say “See what I found!”

I guess we will all have our own individual feelings about this issue, some will say but I share my work for all to see, and see Pinterest as another way to pull in traffic to my blog. Yet, I see where many times our work is not being credited, there isn’t always a link back to our blogs, that in itself takes away from the desire to bring more traffic. I have clicked on many pins just to see the original source, and have found them linked to nowhere.

Keeping the copyright laws in mind, and my personal feelings, I am no longer using Pinterest. If you would like to pin something of mine I would appreciate you asking me first. I think this should be the rule of thumb across the board, please get the owners permission before pinning their work. 

Sometimes It’s Just Hard

Every time I am mulling over a topic for a post it seems as though Natalie at Mouse Grows Mouse Learns posts about something similar in context to what I have been wondering how to put into words.

The last month with Selena has been a challenging one, not in the light of homeschool, or behavior, nothing like that but more in the sudden awareness from dear friends, and Selena herself, that she is not in the same “class” of her peers. I have heard comments that she is hyperactive, to she is so out of control, and even suggestions that we need to medicate her. There have been times my feelings have been very hurt, to times that I have been right down angry. At times this has made me stop and try to reevaluate Selena, and other times it has made me just simply say, “Until you walk 24/7 365 days in my shoes you do not have the right to attack Selena or the way I parent.”

From the time Selena was a year old, we knew she was bright, smarter then average, and in so many ways not able to relate to those her own age. I still remember observing Selena watching other children her age, with a look on her face of concern wondering why they couldn’t understand her, or do some of the things she could do, as well as to questioning why they were acting like they were. I knew from that point life for Selena would be complicated.

It is easy to see that Selena does not have many friends her age, she gravitates toward the older children. This is not to say that she is on their level socially, or in maturity, but more in the area of academically. She finds it easier to talk with, understand the older children, as well, as she feels challenged being around them. Sure I can see deficits in this type of situation as Selena is not always emotionally or physically developed for the older children, but I suppose that is what drives Selena, that is where she finds her challenge she needs to keep going.

This type of situation does not come with a real smooth reality. There are times that Selena discovers that the older children do get to do more then she is allowed to do, and this presents itself in some attitudes that Papa and I have to deal with. This also lends itself into a society view, that all children aged 4 should only be learning certain things, or should only be with 4 year olds. Do you think everyone thinks it is cool for Selena to be with their 7 and 8 year olds? No, reasonably not. Do you think these 7 and 8 year olds truly want to come for play dates? No, reasonably not. Do you think we want Selena constantly with 7 and 8 year olds? No, reasonably not. So where does that leave Selena?

I watch her in Cubbies, where she is with 3 and 4 year olds. Her own awareness of herself is truly becoming more apparent. She is not as accepting anymore to settle for the “This is where you belong because you are 4” attitude anymore. I watch as we enter the church, Selena knows exactly where her class is, but she will always try to make that discrete right turn to head into the room where the older children are. Upon my stopping her and reminding her that she has to go to her classroom, she sighs a sigh of disappointment as she makes her way to her class.  Upon her table she finds the simple color pages or mazes that her leader has laid out for them to work on that evening. Selena is able to master her way through the mazes quickly, and sometimes with a little push from me will make a rainbow trail through the maze, just to keep her in her seat. The picture the children have to color always has the verse of the night printed on it. Upon seeing it, Selena quickly pushes it to the side, informing me that she already knows her verse. I urge her to decorate the page which she does do, but she is always looking for more complex materials to decorate it with.

As with any large group of 3 and 4 year olds, sometimes transition time between one activity to another activity can be slow and tedious. If I am not on my toes to see that Selena is not so focused on what the other children are doing, she will simply disappear into a corner looking for the puppets to begin her own cubby story, or in search of the leaders Bible so she can just sit and read it herself. She asks several times during this point, “Why can’t I just have my handbook, so I can just sit and read it Grandma.” I quickly remind her that this is the rules of cubbies and she will get her handbook back after she does her verses. Of course she walks off with a look on her face that tells it all. “I know my verses, just let me say them, give me my handbook, and I will just go read it then.”

Selena does enjoy game time, so long as the activities are fast paced. One week one of the games was very slow, have you ever thought of 14 3 and 4 year olds sitting in a circle waiting their turn to feel an object in a cup to try to guess what it is? Selena definitely was not the only child having problems with patience, but she was the one who just said fine I will go play with the babies that are in the room. I knew we had pretty much lost Selena for the rest of the evening in game time. By the time they did begin the more active games, Selena was totally disengaged to the point she was not even listening for the instructions.

Now we move onto handbook time. Selena struggles with sitting there while the other children in our small group either try or refuse to try to work on their verses. The expressions on her face are so clear, “What are your problems? I know my verses, why won’t you at least try?” Of course we have done a lot of work and have trained Selena to keep her thoughts to herself and to not just blurt them out there. That is not to say she is perfect in this area, but she tries.

I am not blind, I can easily see where some might suspect that Selena is hyperactive, or has problems. I see her body language just as well as anyone else can, however, I understand that this is Selena’s way of expressing her feelings of being uncomfortable in the setting, her disappointment, and frustrations. If you ask Selena if she likes Cubbies she will announce “I love Cubbies, I wear my vest, learn my verses, and will earn all my patches, not only that but I get two handbooks and will earn double the patches the other children are earning.” When asked about story time, “Oh yes, I enjoyed the story, but wish I could read it for myself.” When asked about game time, “Oh yes, I love, all the running games, but can we just skip the sit down games?” When asked, “Are you making friends?” She immediately tells you about all the girls who seem more mature, or who have invited her to eat pretend pizza that they made at the end of club when the kitchen area becomes accessible. Yet, she never remembers their names, which is not like Selena she usually remembers everyone’s name, better then I do.

It is not easy raising a child who is very bright, and ahead of the majority in her age group, there are behaviors that do rear themselves, as well as times where a lot of affirmation, consoling, and just simply having the realization and understanding that while we as parents find these times confusing and awkward, so does our child. It really brings it all into perspective though that as long as society still thinks that children of a certain age should only know so much, or are only able to learn so much, our bright children will always have a more difficult time fitting in. This is not a new problem, as I remember even when I was in school, and had classmate who was truly a genius, in the 6th grade he was doing the work of a high schooler. I remember teachers not wanting to accept his work, accusing him of copying his older brother, or having his older brother do the work for him. I remember how hard it was for him to relate with us his peers, though there were a few of us that were willing to accept him just where he was drawing him in for at least a small group of friends.

We often hear the jokes, and puns that are made about the children who have learning difficulties, We see the pain that these jokes and puns make in those children’s lives. Yet, we tend to not realize how much our actions and words can hurt and tear down the bright intelligent child. Back to my main point, “Until a person walks in my shoes 24/7 365 days a year, and truly gets to know all the qualities, good and bad, the characteristics, and the pure sweetness of Selena, please do not judge.”

Just to clear one thing up, NO BODY, here in my circle of blog friends have ever made any of these comments, ALL of you have been so encouraging, and helpful and I appreciate all of you for that. I truly wanted to bring about an awareness of a situation I face in my everyday life or real life as some might call it.

Is Teaching Penmanship Really Worth It?

Before we realized we were going to be moving Sue at Homeschool Chick threw  out a question on Twitter. Her question was a simple one, “Is Penmanship still something we need to teach?” She prompted me to write about my feelings on penmanship, to which I said I would. Then the move came along and I didn’t get around to writing this post. Well, Mary here it is.

Some think that Penmanship is not worth worrying about in the age we live in, with all the technology. I understand many feel that their children will not need good penmanship since they will probably just sit down at a computer and type away. I realize most jobs do not require a lot of writing, but there are still some who do. That is not my only reason for feeling this strongly about this subject though.

As I surf through the blogs, and ramblings of some of our youth and young adults, I discover there is a real lack of how to use proper grammar. Sure some of this probably comes from just not being taught grammar. I can’t help but think however that a good lesson in penmanship can also help to build on the skills needed to be a good writer.

It is so easy even for me to sit down and just type away on the computer, and get what I want to say out there faster, but am I truly putting the same thought process into typing that I would if I were to sit down and write it out? I certainly hope I am, but sometimes even I look back and discover grammar, spelling, and syntax errors. I also notice the more I have become use to just sitting down and typing, the harder I have to work on my handwritten word. I discover my handwriting has suffered from my lack of using it on a daily basis. Sure I still write notes, and track appointments on my calendar, but it would be nice if they didn’t look like chicken scratch.

We know the obvious, our children are going to need to learn to sign their names. Did you ever stop to think though the amount of muscles used in getting those names, words, letters from the brain to the hand, then onto the paper? Ponder this, what is dexterity? We use dexterity every time we even sit and type on the computer, draw a picture, cook, bake, sew, well one of the nice things about penmanship is it builds dexterity. It makes us slow down and think about how we are using our fingers, moving those hands, in order to get the written word out on paper. It takes dexterity to do anything involving the hands. We applaud our children when they build with toothpicks, popsicle sticks, play musical instruments, draw beautiful pieces of art, and even are good in sports. It takes good dexterity to do all these things, why not help build this through good penmanship?

Working on and developing good penmanship skills also exercises our brain’s ability to think, creativity, process, and to just slow down. When we can teach our brains to just slow down and consider what we are writing, we are developing the skills needed to sit down and truly enjoy a good book. I remember when the world evolved around being the fastest reader one could be. I often wonder how much of the book truly was overlooked just to be the first one to finish it. Most of those read fast lessons involved training the brain to overlook little words, the one’s they said were not essential, the ones that are needed in good grammar. Get the picture? We want our children or hope our children will use good grammar but we are robbing them of the valuable art of practicing it, thinking about it, and developing it when we do not tone in on penmanship.

We love it when our children can draw great works of art, well the strokes that go into those great works of art are the same strokes that go into good penmanship. We want them to be proud of their artistic abilities, so why now want them to be proud of using these same skills for writing?

I could go on and on but rather then bore you, I will leave you with one last challenge, get out there and pay attention to some of the writings in the blog world especially of the younger generation. Read carefully, look at their use of grammar, or lack of, spelling errors, even with spell check, and just the over all thought process that they put into writing. Think about how the computer age is truly changing the English language, well all the languages, then come back and tell me, do you think a lesson or two in good penmanship will help or hurt your child? Is penmanship a lost art, or something that we truly should be focusing on?

(Some of the youth I am discovering this is come from both homeschoolers and public schooled, I am not being partial in my opinion towards either group.)

Parenting Through Affirmation

Our small group at church is doing a study on Parenting The Early Years by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott. Our first week we talked about 10 character traits for parents to have to be affective parents:

1. Affirming
2. Patient
3. Celebratory
4. Visionary
5. Prayerful
6. Authentic
7. Connected
8. Attentive
9. Comforting
10. Insightful

This is not to say that any of us parents will ever have all 10 of these character traits, and even that what each of us mother and father brings to the table in character traits will equal all 10, but it is a list to think about, and ask ourselves what each of us do offer. It is these 10 traits that we will be looking at through the course of our study.

This last week we looked at Affirming. “Somebody said the job of a parent is to fill a kid’s bucket full of so much self-esteem and affirmation and self respect that the world can’t poke enough holes in that bucket to drain it.” Les Parrott

The first question after this to ponder on was: But won’t too much affirmation make a kid too proud? Isn’t it better to keep challenging children, to prepare them for the real world?

I know for Michael and I we have always tried to be very affirming with Selena. We want her to know that she is special, God made her the way she is, He loves her for who He made her to be, we love her for the way that He made her, and we want her to love herself for this same reason. We also feel very strongly that there has to be a balance in this affirmation. There needs to be correction as well as consequences. We like to think that Selena isn’t afraid to tell us when she has been in trouble while staying with a babysitter and what she did that was wrong. We want to give her affirmation for her honesty, but we also want her to know what she did do to get in trouble was wrong, and that we expect she will not do these things again.

The other trait discussed was being attentive. “An attentive parent hears what a child doesn’t say…”

This is probably the hardest thing as a parent, as our child is acting out and we are trying to figure out why, and they just don’t seem to know how to put it into words so that we will understand. I know we face this a lot with Selena, especially with issues concerning her parents. Now we also have the baby brother in the mix, and I know there are so many questions in Selena’s mind as to why he is with mom and she is not or why he isn’t here with us? We see it in her behavior, and have really seen this a lot this week. We know she is having a hard time communicating her feelings, thoughts, and questions about this situation. We try so hard to not only take extra time when answering what questions she does have to touch on things that maybe she doesn’t have the words for. We have also had to have a talk with Mom, about calling and not taking the time to talk to her daughter.

For me this type of parenting truly isn’t that new of an idea, I worked very hard with my children in this manner. My daughter may have a hard time now and then to express to me what is on her mind, but I always know that both my children, even now that they are adults are not afraid to talk to me about things, they both know I will not approve of. It was pointed out in the study that this type of parenting can prepare a child to come to you as the parent with most anything instead of seeking the advice of peers. No child will never want to know what their peers think, but we as parents can sure pray and hope that they will come to us for as sound of advice as we can give them.

I know this is really only a summarized version of what our study was about, but I hope I have provided enough information for you, my readers to ponder and reflect upon. My question: How important do you feel affirmation is for building up your child against the world that lays before them? Do you think we can give too much affirmation, if so how do you think this can be balanced?

“Teach Me”

Now that we have taken a few weeks away from actual formal learning and focused more on play on relaxed learning, Selena has just been begging for me to teach her again. The last four days she has asked for math, “Grandma, give me math.” Last night she grabbed her huge stack of library books and begged me to teach her to read.

I have made reference before about a child telling you when they are ready to learn, and when they just need time to digest, reflect, and relax. Well, it appears that Selena has had enough down time now and is ready to hit the learning time again. Learning becomes easier and fun when a child is willing, wanting, and ready then it is when they are forced to sit and learn.

I loved the post that Leah at Almost Homeschoolers wrote about Unschooling Panic Disorder. During this down time I had many days when I questioned am I being realistic here, do I truly still have what it is going to take to teach Selena here at home. Papa and I weighed in on sending her to Public School and then discussed the one Private Christian School. I kept holding on to my values and feelings of homeschooling. While I thought “Oh it would be nice to go do some of the things I see other women doing, the mid week bible study, or work out at the local gym,” reality always hit in and I had to concede that this truly is not who I am. Would I go to the weekly bible study, oh yes, for a little while, but once things began to seem like more of a gossip session I would be gone. Would I go to the local gym and workout, no probably not. You wouldn’t catch me running out shopping all the time, so what would I do with my time if Selena was in school? Sit at home, clean my house, and probably end up on the computer way too much.

It doesn’t take me long to come back to reality and scream “I can’t send Selena to public school!” All I have to do is go read the website for our local public school system. I cringe when I read some of the following information:

“All students  are encouraged to actively participate in our Accelerated Reader (AR) program. Students read designated library books and then complete tests on the computer. Students are scored on their correct responses. The computer maintains track of points which students earn throughout the year. Some teachers require students to read AR books as part of class.”

I want to know that what Selena is reading is 1. Something she is going to enjoy reading. and 2. Something morally appropriate, and that I would approve of. That goes without stating that at times I know Selena’s interests are not going to be those of mine, and I won’t always like every book she chooses to read, but at least it is a decision her and I will come to terms on and not one that comes from outside our home is making.

“Parents may notice the math terminology, methods, and presentation are different than they have experienced in the past. It will take some time for all of us to become familiar with the program.”

Our State that depends so much on the TEST as a grading system for the schools, teachers and students, discovered that children are failing the math section. The math on the TEST never matched up with the math in the classroom. To read a statement like the one above and to hear others tell how frustrating the new math is not only for the students but also for them as parents, reminds me that I truly want Selena’s experience with learning to be one of fun, encouragement, and while we will have our bumps times of “I just don’t get it,” there is absolutely no reason for her desire to learn to be hindered by the constant frustration that I know can be a reality for many in the classroom setting when they just are not able to get the attention they need to understand what they are doing.

Now, I am ready to get creative and just give Selena what she wants the opportunities to learn again. She is begging and asking for me to be the teacher again, so here we go. Not that we stopped totally, as I am always teaching Selena something she is going to need down the road, but now we can get back to our more formal fun learning.

One last thing as for the private school, when I hear the amount of the tuition, I quickly remind myself that I can homeschool for way cheaper then what the private school wants. That ends that thought real fast.

The Sensitive Child

The other day while Papa and I were discussing something, Selena misunderstood and thought we were arguing. She immediately asked us to stop fighting. This really made me stop to think about just how sensitive she is.

I remember even as an infant she was very sensitive to different situations, touches, sounds, and change. As she grew it seemed that her sensitivities grew as well. She didn’t like to touch her food, touching new textures were very stressful for her. She didn’t take to change in her environment well at all.

It hasn’t been easy to parent a child who is so sensitive, but I do believe through encouragement and consistency Selena has opened up in so many areas in her life that use to just cause her to go into a complete melt down. She still has her little quirks, only wants certain cereal in the morning, only a certain type of sandwich for lunch, will only drink a certain type of juice (there is about three juices she will drink), and please oh please don’t let her clothing get wet.

She has learned that it is ok to get her hands dirty. She is learning that trying new foods can be a fun experience, it doesn’t always mean she likes what she tries, but at least she is touching, smelling and tasting them.

Along with sensitivity comes such a sense of routine. Selena is not real good at having her routine interrupted. For the most part she wakes at the same time every morning, has breakfast at the same time, gets dressed, and has her own morning routine until exactly 11:00 when she will announce it is now lunch time. For the most part her afternoons are pretty routine, and has just recently figured it out that it is ok that dinner does not go on the table at exactly 5:00 every day. She has her own evening routine and rigid bedtime routine.

I have had to go back several times and reread some of the articles I discovered about raising a sensitive child. I think the one that I have relied on the most for how we have tried to help Selena through these sensitivities is found here. This article just always reminds me that I can’t always expect Selena to change her sensitivities, but through love, and a little extra work on our part, we can help her to understand she is loved for who she is.  With little nudges, and small changes, we have watched her come so far, while we still see so much of her sensitivities, we also see a child who is willing to try to overcome many of them. Will she ever really never have sensitivities, probably not, but helping her to understand that this is ok, is the first step to helping her to have the self confidence to try new things.

Do you have a sensitive child? How are some of the ways you have found to positively deal with their sensitivities?

Sunday Science/Why Teach Science?

I have had people ask me such questions as:

• You do science experiments?
• What do you think Selena is really learning?
• Why would you let her do that?

I have also heard statements such as:

• She really does know what a hypothesis is.
• She gives good theories.
• She is too young for Science.

So why do I teach science? I feel the most important reason is it is fun! No, really it is! I am able to learn right along with and beside Selena. I know for myself my science was in the form of read, memorize, and just know that it is true. We did very little science experiments, well yes, we did dissect frogs. Oh sure, my dad was great when he took us out into nature to explain things to us, but mostly it was just what he knew, and not really full of science or exploration.
I truly want Selena to see science so much different then I did. I want her to open her mind to how great the world truly is around her. She should be able to ask questions and expect an answer or the opportunity to explore to find an answer. I want her to know that science doesn’t have to be something that some great scientist wrote, so all she has to do is read about him and his experiments and consider that to be all there is to the questions she has in her mind. Man has come along way and while many theories still remain just that theories, there have been many breakthroughs, discoveries, and advances allowing us to know much more then we ever have before about this great planet we call earth, and the vast skies or the solar system with all its planets, moons and stars.
We all hear of the benefits of teaching science, the skills such as the ability to observe, ask questions, compare, contrast, and explore. Yet, I truly believe we give our  children much more then just these skills when we give them science. We open their eyes and minds to endless possibilities which bring out their own personalities and learning curves. Some children do great to read the facts about what a spider is, and they retain that information, meaning they learned well, while other children do better by catching the spider in a jar, observing every aspect about it, comparing it to other bugs they have done the same thing with, and making their own observations as to how a spider grows, eats, and lives.
I truly feel if we observe how our children learn through science we can tone in on their learning curve, apply this to other subjects and really begin to create a learning environment our children will thrive in. I see Selena as being such a hands on learner, in science, math, reading, writing, spelling, geography, and history, but I didn’t understand this learning curve until we really started exploring science the way she wanted to learn science. Science has opened her up to the endless ways she can discover and learn in all areas of her life. We have discovered that if we give her the materials for what ever subject it is, and just let her explore, ask her questions, search for the answers, she truly thrives in her learning.
As an example, with her reading, now that we have studied the basic phonics, and have moved forward to whole words, just presenting Selena with words, that she can explore, study, break apart by syllables, compare to other words she knows, her reading skills are advancing at a very fast clip, in the same sense this has improved her spelling skills, she constantly spells the words that she is able to read. Same with math, if we present her with the materials, a math problem or situation, and allow her to explore, study, break it apart, she then begins to put the small math equations together in her head and begins to formulate the answers. These things start becoming more and more apparent in her play, reading, and general conversation.
We teach Science not only to teach Selena about this great world around her, but to also teach her how to think, explore and learn.
Now it is your turn, Why do you teach science to your young child? What method do you use to teach science, and what do you hope your child gains from science?

Socialization

One of the most heard questions asked about homeschoolers tends to be the one about socialization. To be more specific, How are your children going to learn to socialize if they are not around their peers?

This year has been fun watching all these little girls in dance. Last year they were very quiet and shy with exception to Selena. While many of them are still shy, I see them starting to be more social with each other. Selena is the only child in this class that does not attend either a preschool or daycare at least a couple times a week.

I have noticed one thing though, Selena is the one who is the most outgoing. She is the first one to approach the other children, to introduce herself, start up a conversation, and even introduce me to the other parents. This has made me ask, where does a child really learn to be social? As I observe these little girls in their world learning how to socialize with each other, I have also taken a more conscience awareness of all the mom’s and the way we socialize.

I notice, that when we get to dance class if I am going to have any of the other mom’s speak to me, I am the one who has to first initiate the conversation. If I wait for them to say hi to me, look at me, or even acknowledge anything more then their child’s presence in the room, I first must be the one to speak up and greet them. Have you ever stopped to think how hard it is at times when you are standing in a room with other mother’s who do not know each other and be the one to first initiate conversation?

The other thing I have observed is how much each child represents their parent in behavior, actions, conversation skills, loudness or softness of the voice, and eye contact. I notice that if a mom is not able to make eye contact with another adult, and converse in a confident toned voice, their child usually looks at the floor, shuffles the feet, talks in a very quiet voice and is not as confident either.

When I step out of the dance room, I notice that the skills that Selena has does not disappear, she is still the more outgoing child, though she will tend to be a little more reserved then if I am right at her side. What have I been learning through all of this? In my observations, our children really do learn their social skills from us. We can send them to school, dance class, day care, pre school, but they are still going to take their cues to socialization from what they observe in us. This also makes me more aware of the fact that while I want to teach Selena some reserve, that I also have to be willing to step out of my comfort zone and show her the appropriate way to approach those around us.

I truly feel we set the example, our children are going to learn by how they see us socialize and interact with others, they will then take what they have learned from us out into their world. I feel they do need to be around peers to practice what they are learning from us but I do not believe their peers are going to teach them about socialization like we will.

Parenting/When The Two We Love Bang Heads

After we came home from vacation it seemed like these two very special people in my life just could not see eye to eye on anything. It was causing so much chaos and just right down frustration within our home and family unit. I know that we are not the only family who has gone through a similar situation.

For several weeks I watched as Selena would not mind her Papa at all, she hardly even listened to a thing he had to say. When he asked her not to do something, she would do it anyway or just walk away, there were even times she right out told him NO or screamed at him out frustration. Papa was getting frustrated, and was beginning to feel that we were doing something horribly wrong in the way we were bringing Selena up. I was pulling my hair out, as at times I felt I had two children on my hands. I was trying to keep Papa happy, while  trying to keep Selena within her boundaries.

Finally out of sheer frustration, I removed myself from the equation as best I could and stepped back to see if I could really figure out what was going on. Here is what I found:

• Papa was picking apart everything Selena did, from her eating, to how she played.
• Papa didn’t want to discipline, he turned that over to me constantly. Then on the flip side he didn’t want to spend time to play or read with her.
• Papa came home and dove right into a deep conversation with me, and hardly said two sentences to Selena.

WAIT A MINUTE! The light bulb went off. I began to see the pattern.

• Papa wasn’t seeing Selena where she is for her age, and development, he had too high of expectations.
• Papa forgot that it is as much his job to provide a constant and balance in both love and discipline.
• Papa hadn’t realized that our three year old is now thriving for every chance she can get to just converse with her Papa.

My first attempts at talking to Papa about this fell on deaf ears, or came with excuses like, “I don’t know how to relate to children, that is all there is to it.” I finally tried a little different approach. I asked Michael what type of behavior he felt Selena should have? His answer just cracked me up, though I didn’t laugh, I sweetly and tenderly asked him and what age do you feel she should be to behave this way? His eyes got wide, over my question and it hit him like a ton of bricks, he admitted, that he was expecting his three year old to behave more like a seven year old.

I have seen great strives on his part to watching himself, and changing how he deals with Selena. We are seeing huge differences in Selena and her behavior when Papa is home. Believe me I wanted a nanny cam so that Papa would believe me that she didn’t behave in such a manner until he stepped through the door.

Now come on all families have seen similar situations. It is a part of being a family. One of the best gifts we can give to our children though is by showing them through action that the two adults who love them so dearly can work through these trials, with harmony and negotiations. Children feed off what they see, and feel within the family unit. We have choices we can argue, fight, and feed into the problem, or we can step back to observe, then with calm discuss the problem and what we have seen.

Now be honest I know we can all relate to what I have wrote, rather it is your spouse or even yourself, who for one reason or another has hit a brick wall in dealing with your child or children, so how has your family dealt and resolved the situation?

Geography/History More Vacation

On Sunday I posted about how I am feeling so content with where I am. One of the things I discovered on our vacation was just how much our State is changing. Believe me it was quite a surprise, but it was really truly sad to see. Before I go any further with this post, let me tell you that we came home from vacation to find out that our State is broke, and my husband almost didn’t have a job to come back to. He is safe for one year after that we have no clue what will really happen. I realize we might have to move for him to have a job, though I doubt you will see us stay in Washington, I just don’t think I could live any place but where I am in Washington.

I had been looking so forward to showing Selena many things on our drive to and from Spokane. The things that I remembered are gone on the way side now. I remember field after field of agriculture. One stretch was always labeled with the crop that was growing in the field, everything from potatoes, barley, wheat, to corn. Now these fields are barren, a few crops here or there, but even the signs are not correct as to what is growing in the fields. Now more of these fields are filled with:

Don’t get me wrong I feel strongly that we do need to look for cleaner more sustainable power sources, but as we stood looking at the acres and acres of these windmills, we realized out of all reality there were only a handful of working windmills. Not only that but I couldn’t help but ask, what happened to the farmers?

On our way home we took a different route, down South through the Southern Central part of the State. I remember this area being filled with Grape orchards, fields and fields of fruit trees, asparagus farms, and all different kinds of agriculture. These agricultural farms now have been replaced by housing. Again my heart sank and I had to ask what happened to all the farmers?

I lived in Kennewick for a little over a year in the early 1980’s. While at that time Kennewick was not that big of a town, it was really very clean and well kept up. Now the familiar sections of this town are as shabby and ran down as I found Spokane to be. Again at the time I lived there the orchards and farmlands just seemed to meet the city on every end of the town, but these farmlands and orchards are now gone.

Kennewick is home to the Columbia Cup, Hydroplane Races. The area where these races are held along the Columbia River, has changed very much. It is now no longer just a cruising strip along the river, but has been developed into a nice park, with an area for kids to play, and a small water park. I was happy to see that this area had been cleaned up from what it was. We even took Selena down for a little water fun.

 

It was so fun watching her explore this new water experience. The look on her face was hilarious as the water shut off and just disappeared before her. At first she spent most of her time running from water spout to water spout trying to keep up with the spurting water. Before long she realized that if she stood in one spot, the water would come back on. At one point she even got down and hit the hole where the water had come from trying to figure out how to turn it back on.

Right at the entrance to the Columbia Park, they have built a beautiful Regional Veterans Memorial. Built to honor all the veterans of the Tri-Cities region, this memorial in Columbia Park consists one 40-foot column and 10 smaller ones, totaling 60 tons of granite. The columns recognize those who have died in service to their country, those who who have served in the past, those currently serving their county as well as one column for each branch of the armed forces.

After leaving Kennewick, our trip should have taken us through field after field of grape fields, orchards, but we even discovered that many of those are gone, except the really large ones. We pulled into a town very well known for fruit stands on every corner. Yes, the fruit stands are still there but only a few remain open, and though we didn’t stop at them all, but only one, the amount of fruit and fresh vegetables, were at a very minimal from what one usually finds in these fruit stands.

It really saddens my heart to see how our State is  hurting so bad at this difficult time. It really wasn’t until we went on our vacation that the full reality of everything hit home with me. We had fun on our vacation, came home to quite a shock, and much uncertainty, and a very good picture engraved forever in my mind that our country is truly on the change.

Let me ask you this, What are some of the economic changes you are seeing where you live and within the State you live in?

Geography/History Guest Post

As many of you know I am very serious about seeing that Selena is educated in Geography and History. I feel it is within these subjects that we can expand a child’s world of learning for years to come. I asked Ticia from Adventures in Mommydom who use to be an elementary teacher to give us her point of view as to why these two subjects really do need our attention, and why we need to be teaching them to our children.

It is my hope that you will enjoy her post, and take to heart just what she is saying:

I’m so excited, this is my first ever guest post, and I’m very thankful to Debbie for asking me to do this.

She wanted to get the viewpoint of a former teacher on geography and history. I also am a bit of an oddity, in that I was an elementary education major with a minor in history. So, that tells you I’m a big history buff.

First, I want to say in the United States , we really give history and geography the short end of the stick. In elementary it’s hardly taught at all because they focus so much on math and reading because those are tested then. When I was teaching we allotted about 30 minutes each day for either Social Studies or science. The reality was we never really used the textbooks that we had because they weren’t all that great. They didn’t really go into all that much depth about the topics, and really just provided enough information to bore the kids over and over again.

The other thing we do to those subjects is we don’t have people who are interested in them teach the subject. Instead, they’re taught by coaches. Coaches are required to teach a couple of non-PE related classes, and they’re usually given history or geography because they’re not tested on and if the kids don’t learn what does it matter?

Well, I’ll tell you why it matters. Because you can look at history and see why you shouldn’t do things, or why you should.

Now, this is where it can also get political. But, you can look at what happens when you have a history of appeasement, and it never goes well. Before World War 2 most of Europe believed Adolf Hitler when he said he only wanted “X” and they gave it to him. Then suddenly he had conquered half of Europe . By the same token, if you have a group of terrorists who say they want you to just leave them alone, it doesn’t work to say “Okay, we’ll give you what you want,” instead they keep attacking and taking more.

Not only can you apply it to modern day political situations, but it helps explain how we are working now. Did you know that Texas didn’t have a female governor for almost 100 years? That’s because their first female governor kept within the letter of the law barely, and Texans remembered it so well they didn’t elect another one until the early 90s.

It also can give you insight into how you should act. There are so many great examples in history of the single person who stood up to what was wrong, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther, our Founding Fathers. That list could go on, but that’s what I thought of in 10 seconds. There are great inspirational stories.

So, why learn geography?

For one, because there are three important things to remember about history and real estate, “location, location, location.” Where it is effects so much of what is going on. That’s certainly true now, why are we so worried about a 100 mile piece of land called Israel ? Because it effects how the whole rest of that region goes, and that affects our oil prices.

Also, you look really stupid if you don’t have a token idea of where things are. This is how Jay Leno and the like get so many “person on the street” interviews, most people have no clue where people are. Think about the huge furor when Sarah Plain (in a comment I think was partially in jest) said “I can see Russia from my window,” and the big deal people made over that.

Now, apply it on a smaller scale and your child is interviewing at a major company and they don’t know where Portugal is. Why don’t they? Because it wasn’t taught on a test, so it wasn’t taught to them.

I freely admit I’m horrid at geography, it never hugely interested me, but I don’t want that for my kids. I want them to learn and know where things are and how cultures are different. And what makes each culture special, because they all are.

 

Hot Topic What Would You Have Done?

We had some shopping to do this weekend. One of our stops was at a furniture store. We did our shopping, and were in line waiting to pay. Selena was getting a little squirmy it was taking longer in the line and there were only two other people in front of us. I noticed down the long isle there was a mother sitting with her two boys on a couch near the televisions. Didn’t think much of it. Selena spotted something that caught her interest so we stepped a few steps away from Papa so Selena could read the EXIT sign.

When we came back to where Papa was still in line, in the same spot we left him, I noticed the mother had now joined her husband in line just in front of us. Selena looked over and discovered the two boys, one about Selena’s age, the other maybe a couple of years older, climbing on the top of a bunk bed. She asked politely if she could go climb too. Papa calmly told her no, and explained we do not climb on furniture in the store. Now understand Papa does not have a quiet voice, so I know the parents couldn’t help but hear what he was saying.

Selena and I continued to stand there, when suddenly these two little boys who I guess got bored with the bunk bed climbing are now running in and out of isles, teasing Selena. I got down on Selena’s level and explained that no, we do not play and run around in a store, but I could tell the boys definitely had her attention. I told Papa we were going to go look at something across the store and we would be right back. The two boys followed us, and the next thing I knew they were popping up from behind  couches, chairs and ottomans  saying boo to Selena and giggling. Next thing I knew they are climbing all over this furniture teasing Selena. At this point Selena couldn’t take her eyes off the boys and thought their little game was pretty funny and was giggling pretty hard at their antics. I knew by her body language, that it was just too much for her, she wanted to join in on the fun. She wasn’t hearing a word I had to say at this point, it was going to be just any moment and she was going to jump in to play.

I finally picked Selena up and headed back to where Papa was, and announced that we were going out to the car, because there were two little boys terrorizing the store. The mother looked at me and just laughed. As I held Selena, I couldn’t help but just say, “Selena we just do not behave like those two little boys are behaving in a store, we wouldn’t want the store manager to ask us to leave the store, would we?” Selena looked up and said “No Way!” At that point we did go out to the car and waited for Papa out there. Now, Selena did think she did something wrong, and sunk her head into my shoulder and hugged me very tight. I consoled her and told her all the way out to the car that she did nothing wrong. We did discuss this situation in the car and she quickly returned back to her bubbly self.

How would you have handled this situation? I felt we had made it clear to the parents that their boys were running amuck through the store, since their kids were the only other kids besides Selena in the store. Would you have said something more directly to the parents?  Would you have said something to the boys? Would you have said something to the Store Manager? I would like to know how you would have handled a situation like this?

Is It Me???

Before I begin this post I want you all to know I am not talking about any of my blogging friends, or anyone in the blogging world at all.

A friend of mine met a mom a week ago, who told her about a homeschool support group here in our area. This mom was so excited as the number of preschoolers were growing and the direction of this group was beginning to move into a direction to accommodate more for this age group. Knowing that I have been looking for something like this my friend contacted me with the information.

It took me a while to find a contact person. I heard only one time from this person and was directed to their page on FB. I took the time to introduce myself and Selena to the group and asked about the next meeting, which is by invite only. Do you know I have not heard a thing from any of them. Not a “Hi, Nice to meet you.” Not a “We’re sorry but the age of your granddaughter is too young, or we are not excepting new members.” No, nothing, they have said nothing to me at all.

You know the truth being, I don’t really care about going to a meeting and leaving my child at home with Grandpa. Meetings are just that meetings, suppose to have an agenda, and sometimes they are great and sometimes they are gossip sessions. I however was hopeful to find some local families who shared the same interests as us in the field of homeschooling who had a desire to do activities together to enhance their children’s education experiences.

Well, I am finished boring my readers with my bit of a rant here. I am just happy that I have all of you to share with, and bounce ideas off of. We may or we may not find a group of homeschoolers here in our area that we can join with, but that doesn’t matter, as I know we will see that Selena has everything she needs.

Oh by the way I just received a email that Walmart.com has Jump Start for the Wii. They have one for 19.95 for 3-6 yr olds and one for 19.95 for 5-9 year olds. These sound very similar to the one’s I have seen reviews on for the computer games, but they go for the Wii. I know I am going to check them out more as I would much rather have Selena doing something on the Wii, then sitting at the computer. I will keep you informed….hmmm maybe a review might be coming!

The Trend of Raising Grandchildren

This subject has been on my mind for sometime now. I know I am not alone in my thoughts, and that there are many loving Grandparents who find themselves walking in the same shoes. I know that throughout history it has not been an unfamiliar site to see Grandparents helping or raising their Grandchildren. The shocking news though is how the number of Grandparents raising Grandchildren are on the rise. I think there are numerous factors leading to this rising trend.

First let’s look at some statistics that we have heard since we have started down this path.

1. The attorney who did our third party custody does a lot of work for the State, Foster care cases, adoptions, etc… He didn’t give us any numbers but he said his case load has tripled with Grandparents seeking custody of their Grandchildren. He cringes every time a new case comes to his desk as he put it at the time, this is getting to be too much of the norm.

2. Upon speaking with another attorney, she was a little more willing to share some statistics with us. She said the number of cases of Grandparents seeking custody of Grandchildren has gone from 30 cases a year to a whopping 1500 a year.

I know from personal experience since we made the choice to raise Selena, we seldom find a church that doesn’t have at least three sets of Grandparents raising their Grandchildren, and we witness more coming on board in this venture on a monthly basis. This does not reflect the numerous questions we get asked by those who are facing an ultimate decision that has to be made.

We have at the moment 6 close friends who are Grandparents raising their Grandchildren. I am not going to go into the reasons for these Grandparents raising their Grandchildren other then to say that the reasons range from the inability of the parents to death of the parents or incarceration of the parents.

It is sort of alarming when one really considers the impact this trend is having on families, future families, and even society. I had someone pose a question, that at the time it was asked just kind of went in one ear and out the other, but then suddenly it hit home when I had time to really process what he was asking. Think about it, “With this trend of Grandparents raising Grandchildren, where is the next generation of Grandparents going to come from?” Think about it, if we are raising Selena now, and something would happen that she was unable to take care of her children, who would be there to step in and help out or take over? Not only that but will her children ever really know Grandparents in the way that we all have known our Grandparents? Do you think she really has a sense of what a true Grandparent is? No, in her mind a Grandparent is the person who takes care of your every need, she lacks the knowledge of what is a true Mom and Dad. I don’t say that in the sense that she won’t have the abilities and knowledge of how to raise her own children, as she will learn these skills through us, but I do see the confusion on her face and the questions she asks when her friends have a “Mom” and a “Dad” in the home.

What is the ramifications for these Grandparents who choose to raise their Grandchildren? Well, let me tell you there are many! The number one issue most Grandparents face is the financial piece. Think about it we have worked all our adult life thus far to assure that our retirement funds would be enough to sustain just the two of us, now all of a sudden there is a Grandchild and in some cases Grandchildren. Now the questions start turning to will our retirement funds be enough to support not just us but our Grandchildren too. Will we have enough money to see that our Grandchildren get to go to college? How can we save what we feel will be needed in the short amount of years we have before we are ready to retire. What will happen if something would happen to one of us, would our spouse have enough financial resources to provide for themselves and the Grandchildren?

Another ramification on the Grandparents is the emotional piece. For us, we have always felt very blessed to have Selena in our care. While we still have major concerns about her mother, and sometimes even feel a bit of bitterness and or anger, we never allow these feelings to over ride how happy we are, and how blessed we feel to have Selena with us. To have this second chance at parenting, and to have this opportunity to share so much love with Selena. However, I have seen some Grandparents who are not able to see this new duty as we do. I have seen a lot of bitterness, and anger that is expressed right in front of the grandchildren. I feel blessed that we are able to balance our relationship with our daughter and our granddaughter. I see some Grandparents who refuse to even talk with their adult children or even allow the Grandkids to have any contact what so ever with their parents. This is a tough area for all Grandparents raising Grandchildren. I have yet to see just a middle ground between the emotional piece.

I have many thoughts and ideas as to why I feel this is becoming such a trend. I am not going to go into a huge rant about all the reasons I feel this is becoming a norm, but I do want to say I do not believe it reflects in anyway on how we as parents raised our children, but I do feel today’s society is playing a large role in the decisions our children make, and this goes deeper then just the Grandparents, but even reaches across the border into the number of children in foster care, including state and private adoptions.

Here is my question to my readers: “What factors do you think is leading to this trend?”

Feeling a Little Confused

I would normally post something like this on my private blog, but I decided to post it here.

We got up this morning, and I suddenly felt exhausted and concerned about going to church. We have loved our church, but as of late we have a situation that has drained all enjoyment out of going.

We tried Pastor’s idea, but it isn’t going to cut it. You see there is a little girl who has a lot of behavioral problems. She is almost 7 years old. Her Grandmother teaches the Nursery. This little girl should be in the children’s church, but she distracts the class so bad that unless she has supervision back there she just can’t be in there.

Grandma made the decision to keep her in the nursery with her. I had problems with this since this little girl lashes out in angry bursts and is violent at times. Pastor asked us to try just taking Selena with me to the children’s church. Ok, I said I would try. I was very proud of Selena last week for the way she handled herself during worship time and in the children’s church.

This morning though I thought Selena really should be in the Nursery with children her age. Why am I banging my head against a wall trying to create a curriculum that will meet the needs of 1st through 3rd graders, and then something to keep Selena busy and interested too.

Now in my mind if you have a sour apple don’t you remove it from the other apples? If you have a child with behavioral problems don’t you make arrangements for supervision or a workable alternative that is not going to interview with the other children? I realize it was my wishes that Selena not be in the nursery with this child, so in one way I can see where I need to remove my child, but what about the other babies to toddlers?

I desire an environment where Selena can learn, not just an environment where she is being kept occupied so everyone else can learn. This has been a very difficult situation for us. We just don’t know which way to turn. We thought things would work out this way, but come on doesn’t Selena deserve to go to church, learn and play with the other children her age, without worry of an older child disrupting the entire morning?

Sorry just had to rant!

Interesting Interview

 

This morning I watched an Interview with Scott Oki, a former senior vise-president of sales and marketing for Microsoft. He has wrote a book about our schools here in America, titled Outrageous Teaching. I hope to get a copy of this book to read for myself, I found the Interview very informative.

I think the piece that I took away the most from this Interview is something I have felt for a long time, That we need to take the decision making of how our children are educated away from the bureaucracies and put it back into the classroom where the teachers can make choices on how to teach based on each individual student.

He spoke a lot about our schools here in Washington, but made various comments about all the schools in the United States, and compared them to what other countries do. In contrast to Australia he pointed out that their schools run 3 teachers to 1 non teacher, where here in the US we are lucky to have 1 teacher to 1 non teacher.

You can go here to see the full Interview for yourself. I can’t say that I agreed 100% with all his views, but I felt that he made some very good points to our failing school system.