More On Therapy

Yes, I have been missing in my blogging. We just have been so busy with field trips, horse riding lessons, finishing up school for this year, and just enjoying ourselves with park days, family time and playing with friends. I mentioned before we chose to go with a not so conventional therapy with Selena, horse therapy. There are so many types of therapy that are suggested, more conventional therapies, from one on one counseling to ABA therapy. Every child responds differently to therapies, keeping that in mind we chose to keep with Selena’s interest and go with horse therapy.

The down side is that this is not covered under our insurance and costs us $180.00 a month. Still not a bad price. Selena is learning so much about horses, the changes that take place in a pregnant horse, to why horses mouths are the way they are. She is now learning to communicate with the horse, this involves leading a horse with no lead rope, but instead having a tail whip. No, you don’t whip the horse, it just represents the tail which is representative to the tail of the horse. Horses do talk, they do whisper, they do express themselves with their tails.

This is not the best picture but it is a picture of Selena leading Faye without any lead rope. The other aspect to the therapy is learning to be in total charge, relaxed, in charge of herself, confidence and in charge of the horse. This comes through riding. Let me say the first few times it was hard for Selena to mount the horse, the first time she had to learn to let go and become one with the horse, using her arms like the horses wings, flying through the air. She is swiftly moving from following a ball around the arena to riding independently.

The idea behind following the ball is that it gives the child something to focus on, the child or rider has to guide the horse to the ball so the horse will kick the ball, then no matter what direction the ball goes in the child or rider has to follow it. Sometimes the ball gets jammed against the wall, so now comes the problem solving skills as to how do I get the ball out of this situation while on the horse?

She has now moved on to riding through the obstacle course. Which consists of many obstacles, even a balance beam for the horse to cross.

What have we seen from this therapy? More confidence in Selena. She is willing to go play with friends without me. She is willing and even suggests field trips for the homeschool group. She has a sense of pride for her accomplishments. She is learning more about relationships and how to be a friend as well as how to receive a friend.

This might not work for every child because not all children like horses like Selena does, but for us it is working. My suggestion is to do your research and find what will work for your child.

To Test or Not To Test Gifted Children

I know this is a late post for the Hoagies blog hop, but I felt very strongly to write a post. Selena is a Twice Exceptional child, what does that mean?  Simply put she is gifted but is also on the Autism Spectrum or has learning disabilities as well. We are faced with the dilemma of having her tested. What does that involve? Well, depending on who we go through it could mean a 3 hour screening with a psychologist or the equivalent to that split over a few days.

What will we learn from this screening? First and foremost the Psychiatrist will get confirmation of his diagnoses of ASD, (Autism Spectrum Disorder) as well as her IQ and her strengths and weaknesses.

I am on the fence post, I want to know that our psychiatrist is correct in his diagnosis but I don’t want a whole bunch of unnecessary labels placed on her that will go with her the rest of her life. As the parent and teacher since we homeschool, I already know her strengths and weaknesses, I have seen all the signs of ASD.

I know for us screening or testing is a matter of fact, do I like it? No, I do not after raising a child who was developmentally delayed, and was told she would never learn to ride a bike, or play an instrument, to which she proved them wrong. Yet, knowing that much of the testing and screening they put her through was accurate, and the reason we now have our granddaughter/daughter and two grandsons who were adopted through foster care.

There are times when I think testing or screening is needed, when we have a child who is in need of help with skills especially life skills. Though to test or screen for giftedness or how smart they are I feel is a personal choice. I know for us we will have to have Selena tested and screened but because of her age she will never know the results. We will have the peace of mind of knowing that our insights and the diagnosis of our psychiatrist is correct, but we do not want her knowing what might hold her back, because believe me once she knows then yes, they become a huge Brick Wall.

I am not all for testing or screening just for giftedness, you know your child better then anyone, you know as their parent their strengths and weaknesses. You know when they began to read, you know how strong they are in math. I feel every child takes to testing in a different way, some excel from the challenge and some fold under the pressure. Is there truly an absolute test out there that fits all children gifted or not? I am not linking to a whole lot of research, and believe me I have done a lot of research, but I am more talking from a person who has already been there and done that. I have seen first hand what testing and screening can do good and bad for a child.

If you are looking for help with areas of weaknesses for your child then I say yes, have them tested and screened. If you are just wondering how smart they truly are or how gifted they may or may not be, you as their parent already know that answer. The schools have so many different programs and ways of determining what is right for you child. That does not mean we do not as parents need to step in and advocate for our child to get them into these programs.

If you do choose to have your child tested or screened I know I would ask myself is the results something I would want my child to really know? It could make them feel more awkward and less normal then they probably already feel.   

Balancing Between Gifted and Being A Girl

One of the questions that Selena herself posed to me a few months ago, “Why am I  not normal? I just want to be like all the other girls!” Of course as a Mama my heart sank. I had to ask myself many questions, am I pushing to hard, am I trying to make her giftedness define her, or is this a normal part of growing up?

After this question we started changing things up a lot! First of all though I wanted to boost her self confidence and self esteem that being gifted in no way made her “Not Normal.” We started with the simple facts, that not everyone knows the same things, and how we can learn from each other, it is OK to share our knowledge and talents with others. Selena began slowly to share the things she knows so much about and those she shared with really learned a lot but thankfully made no negative remarks about her knowledge base. This has been a hard area for Selena, since many times when she has bounced off with something she knows so much about people gave her strange looks, or gasped and even made huge issues out of her reading ability. You and I know they didn’t mean anything by their reaction, they truly are taken that a young girl can know so much, but Selena is an over thinker so she reads a lot into our reactions or the things we say.

We then had to move from there to re-look at our home. Did we provide enough for her to be a little girl? Were we pushing too much on the gifted side and forgetting that basically yes, she is a little girl. I concluded that she has plenty of opportunities to be a little girl, dress in fancy dress up clothes, get into my make-up and does in deed have way too many dolls, doll houses and girly toys. Introduce her best friend! The more time she has spent with J, the more the just being a girl has come out.

Many time we worry that the only children our gifted child will relate to is another gifted child or one with the same interests, when in fact sometimes they truly need to explore the imaginary side of things with a friend who will except them for who they are, quirks and all, but keep them balanced as the child they are too. These relationships are often hard to find, so I say keep trying.

Since we have started to listen to Selena, and explore with her all her uniqueness along with her weaknesses, we are seeing her begin to grow and mature into who she is. She is growing in her confidence of what she knows, and the knowledge base she has, but also is comfortable just being a little girl. After all remember even gifted children truly are little girls and boys.

Helping Selena Make Friends

One thing that seems to be a common thread with Gifted Children, or Autistic Children is their struggles with making friends. I think Colleen from Raising Lifelong Learners wrote an excellent post on helping Gifted Children Make Friends. She has some great ideas and if your wondering how to help your Gifted Child, or looking for information as to why your Gifted Child struggles in making friends I highly recommend checking her post out. 

For us we struggle with two areas while trying to see that Selena gets her social needs met. We noticed from the time Selena discovered she could read all by herself, she use to get confused as to why other children her age could not do the same things she did. Her vocabulary was so strong that most kids didn't understand what she was talking about, sometimes even adults didn't understand her. The second part that has hindered Selena is her inability to deal with large group activities. When in a situation where there are too many children, her anxieties get the best of her and she goes into flight mode looking for a quiet place to retreat to herself, this is more of a result of the Autism. 

She wanted friends, every time we went for counseling, she would leave in tears crying, "I just want to be normal. I just want to be a normal kid!" We felt this strain was breaking her so we stopped therapy for now. Since we have Selena's self esteem has returned and she excepts the fact that it is OK to be different. We still longed to see her have friends. 

This is not something I recommend everyone doing, I think you really need to know and understand your child. We have a friend who is a single mom who was struggling to keep a job due to lack of babysitting. We have known her and her daughter since Selena was born. J is 2 years older then Selena. I agreed to babysit, and just see how the two girls would get along. It was a leap of faith that I was taking, would J understand Selena, would she except her, would they be friends? 

Let me just say these two girls play so hard together, this is not to say we don't have our moments, or times when we have to discuss appropriateness with Selena but J has become Selena's best friend. Believe it or not there are times when J even tells us to not worry, everything is fine, that Selena is being normal. J is not afraid to ask me anymore what drives Selena, or why she is doing what she is doing. J has an imagination just like Selena and they do a lot of role play with dolls, My Little Ponies, or stuffed animals. The same type play that Selena's counselor did with her. I think this is the best therapy there ever could be for any child. 

Best friends taking selfies. 

Best friends playing with their electronics. 

   What would best friends do if they couldn't enjoy the great outdoors together. From going to the park to playing in our yard, they play with a lot of passion and have a lot of fun. 

Best friends doing their homework together. Now from my point of view of how my relationship was with my best friend when I was growing up, this appears to be pretty normal to me.

This has worked and been a positive experience for us, but remember we can't pick our children's friends. These two girls didn't have to get along as well as they do, but we are pretty pleased that they do.

The Autistic Side

Remember in this post I talked about the gifted side, and when we began to know that Selena was gifted. Actually from the time Selena was born we suspected there was something not quite right, it wasn't horribly wrong, but she had quirks. Even as a new born she didn't like being swaddled, held to tight, formula dripping on her hand, chin, or clothing, but on the other hand she was so alert, and in tuned to the world around her. I remember at about 6 months old, Selena was laying on the floor, as I was watching a Tennis match on the TV, her little head shifted from right to left as her eyes were glued to that little tennis ball on the screen. She was a very rigid baby and did not like her schedule changing one bit, though she was not a fussy baby, always happy go lucky.

Her first experience in a nursery with other children, without us was before she was a year old. The look on her face as children began to appear was a look of fear, horror, and stress. She didn't whimper or cry but you could tell she did not like this situation one bit. On numerous occasions she would attempt to escape from the nursery, and as soon as we showed up to pick her up she would sob, laugh, cry, and run to our arms all at the same time.

Through out the years we questioned her quirks as a Sensory Processing Disorder. We watched for all sorts of signs, was she sensitive to noise, light, particular textures or odors. The more we watched the more often Autism or Spectrum Disorder would come into the discussion. We took her to Occupational Therapists to have her assessed for sensory issues only to be told that she did not meet the criteria for Sensory Processing Disorder.

She was the one in a group of kids who would take the leader roll and it was not always a pleasant site to see, it could be very embarrassing as she lead the other children astray from what they were suppose to be doing. Yet, she was such a quick learner and even when it seemed she wasn't paying attention she could come home and tell you every single word the instructor or adult had said.

It wasn't until we moved when Selena was 4 that we began to see the full scale changes taking place. She loved the new house, but she missed the old house so bad that she sat and cried for hours. This was the time when the meltdowns began. For a child who never threw a fit in her tender first years, she could sure poor them on at age 4. We had so many different opinions being thrown at us from ADHD, Bipolar, Anxiety Disorder, until finally we heard PDD-NOS Autism, which was the one opinion we could clearly except. Autism was the one we questioned all the time, could she have it? It was the one who fit the puzzle.

Colleen at Raising Lifelong Learners, has an excellent post that discusses the twice exceptional child. I encourage you to go take the time to familiar yourself with her knowledge in this area. I am going to be spending a lot of time writing about what we have learned, how we deal, and how being both gifted and Autistic affects everything in our daily lives, as well as Selena's learning curve.

The Gifted Side

I am often asked when we first new Selena was gifted. I had my suspicions for quite awhile even when she was a year old. She had a way of seeing her world unlike most children her age. She could enter a room, and memorize everything in that room. When we returned to that room the next time the first thing she would point out was anything that was not in the same place or anything that had changed. Her abilities for details were just unreal. At age 2 she was reading very simple books, ABC and 123 books with ease, at this point I figured she had them memorized, since they were her favorite books after all. Then at age 3, she came to me with a Dr. Sues Book and read it word for word, from front to cover. I grabbed another book, "Green Eggs and Ham" again without missing a word or a page she read it from front to cover.

It was also at this same time that I had volunteered to work as an AWANA leader with the understanding that Selena would have to be in one of the lower groups. They did not have a Puggles group, so we put her in the Cubbies group. With in the first week she had memorized every Bible verse in her handbook, and we were ordering the second handbook. She did not like the slow pace, and quickly began to have problems with being bossy to the other children, she couldn't comprehend why they were not learning at the same rate as her.

It was also about this time that Selena was moved to an upper Sunday School class, she just wasn't happy in the nursery anymore. She was so excited yet nervous, the night before, that she informed me she couldn't go in pull ups. I informed her that in order to go without pull ups she had to be able to use the big potty. She worked very hard that first night and potty trained herself, not only for daytime but night time as well. She never wore another pull up or diaper after that.

We also seen some deficits though, one of the first thing we noticed was her inability to say her own name. Within a week of having her name wrote on a board and breaking it down by syllables, she finally had her name down, not only that but she recognized it when needed. The other thing we noticed was her lack of fine motor skill, not that we expected a 3 year old to be writing, but it was more the lack of wanting to use her hands. She refused to get dirty, she detested touching her food, though she was quite on her way to using utensils. The muscle tone in her hands was just not there, so we had to do a lot of exercises and exposing her to different situations where she had no choice but get her hands dirty.

Her vocabulary and reading just exploded, she talked constantly about science, and used terms like hypothesis, everywhere she went. Her knowledge base just continued to grow, she could name all the dinosaurs, as well as understanding kinetic energy and any insect she came across. She absorbed very complex phonic concepts which only improved her reading and ability to sound out any word she was presented with. She actually learned and understood fractions before she understood simple math facts.

She had many quirks, sensitivities, and a STRONG need for everything to happen within her internal clock. She ate breakfast at exactly the same time every morning, had lunch at the same exact time everyday and couldn't handle it if we were not home for her to be in bed by 8:00 every night. She didn't like her clothes getting dirty or wet.

Come back, I will be sharing when we realized that her sensitivities were more extreme and began to seek professional advice as to the other piece in this puzzle.

A Look Into The Day With A Twice Exceptional Child

What is a Twice Exceptional Child? If you caught my post here, you will quickly discover the definition, to put it in laymen terms, this is a child who is Gifted, but has a learning disability. In our home this means a Gifted child with Autism. The Autism brings a lot more then just anxieties, behavioral issues, but also deficits in her learning. I am sure Selena is dyslexic, which is the greatest struggle for her with her handwriting and lack of desire to color and do art.

I love asking Colleen from Raising Lifelong Learners questions, and chatting with her over the answers. She has a way of being informative, yet helping me to think outside the box as to how our school days can be just right for Selena. One of the latest questions I asked her was, "Does she struggle with a child who excels in a subject, yet struggles with the simple concepts?" She directed me to her post on Asynchronous Abilities. I read this post once before, but had forgot it's content. It was great to refresh my memory.

I thought I would share just what a day looks like in our home, homeschooling a Twice Exceptional Child.

 It is not unusual to find Selena in the mornings before school begins cuddled in blankets reading all my resource books. I keep science, and history reference or text books out and available for her to read anytime she desires. These are not children books, but most are my college text books, or reference books I have picked up at used curriculum sales. This is the best way I know to get her learning juices flowing, and spark questions for extra curriculum studies.

 By 9:00 is independent study. I am still working with her on Math and Penmanship, remember, I feel strongly that Selena is Dyslexic, so I kind of hover over these two areas, to try to train her to make her circles in the right direction, and to slow down and think about how she is forming her letters and numbers. Another reason I hover over math, is that while Selena can figure out a lot of hard math problems, and story problems, she has yet been able to memorize her math facts.

We have two sets of phonics, one that covers the basic phonics, because here again while she is a very advanced reader don't dare ask her to give you a rhyming word for CAT. Then we have our more grade leveled phonics where she is right at home in working with more complex phonics concepts. I loved the fact that she did not like the fact that the book called a raccoon just a coon, and had to write raccoon instead of coon. I know she missed a "c" in the word, but hey this was independent work, and she spelled it the way it sounded to her.

After all her independent work is finished, and we have done our together reading it is break time for lunch and for Selena a little nap. Yes, she still takes a nap, in part due to her medication, and also because she doesn't sleep well at night. At this point she is usually ready for an hour or hour and half nap, or a time to just shut off.

 I usually ask her to draw and dictate a story all on her own. I will write the dictation for her. She prefers to do this on the white board rather then on paper, which is perfectly fine with me. She puts a lot of imagination into this and it is fun. In the picture above she drew an alien with an alien duck that came to Earth from Saturn.

Remember this picture? 

Now it is time to research what she read from my reference books. On this day she chose to research the Monarch Butterfly. We do a journal page for her Science scrap book, among other fun coloring or what coloring I can get, and diagrams. We also use a lot of YouTube to reinforce the information she is learning. 

Sometimes we play games or do a lot of hands on learning. One of Selena's favorite games is Scrabble, we also like to use the letters just to practice making words, phonics, practice spelling besides always finishing up with a good game of Scrabble. 

Homeschool wouldn't be complete without life skills. Selena is a great helper when it comes to shopping. She will make the grocery list, help me find the items in the store, check prices, and also thinks it is fun when the clerk allows her to help scan the items at check out. She loves to help me in the kitchen, rather it be stirring, chopping, or cleaning. Some days she vacuums or dusts for me. We definitely have a full day, but of course we always make time for play. 

As you can see, I am challenged to meet two ends of her learning curve, the one that she has deficits in, as well as the one that she excels in. Is homeschooling tough at times, oh yes, you bet it is, but she definitely would not get this attention in a public school. 

Gifted with Autism

I wanted to take some time here to address something that I haven't had the words to address, but after much time to think about things I feel ready. When I first announced that Selena had some problems, issues, quirks, the Autism word, I received many comments of "Poor Girl" "Why?" "Treatment Options." Many began to see Selena in a different light, feeling sorry for her, hoping her the best, hoping something would help, my inbox was swamped with questions of what now?

This diagnosis of Autism has in no way changed a thing for Selena, not one bit, it is just another piece of the puzzle of who she is. Is she Gifted or is she Autistic? The answer to that question is that she is both, yes, Autistic is not a disability that affects their learning, but it does bring about behaviors or quirks that left untreated can affect learning. What?

The best way I know how to answer this is to break it down. A true gifted child is one who comes by something naturally. For Selena it was reading and the passion for words. By the time she started talking she was using words far beyond her peers. She absorbed the English language. By age 1 she was looking at other 1 year olds, and realizing "I am different." She would surround herself with 5 year olds who had more of the same vocabulary as she did. By age 2 her language skills just continued to advance, but also her knowledge of the world around her began to explode. She knew more about things like plants, dinosaurs, and the English language then even adults knew. She had what such a deep passion for learning something new everyday, far beyond what most 2 year olds have. Play for her was more about what can I learn today then how much fun can I have. At age 3 she picked up her first book and read it to me front to cover, word for word, and she hadn't even had a single reading or phonic lesson. She chose books from the library that she could read independently. Her thirst for learning had us sitting down by 3 1/2 years old and giving her what her mind wanted, more learning. She needed that part of her brain fed, quenched, just like we need to eat or drink.

Talk to any parent raising a true gifted child, and they will all tell you about quirks, sensitivities, OCD, ADHD, anxieties, the list goes on and on. So what causes a lot of children to fall into the Spectrum? Well, the answer is so easy, it depends on the intensity of these sensitivities or quirks. Selena falls in the Spectrum of Autism because her anxieties were taking up much of her life, it affected everything from what we could read, to what she could allow herself to eat. Anxiety itself was beginning to interfere with her ability to learn.

We tried Occupational Therapy to be told that she truly was not a child with Sensory Processing Disorder, so there was not much they could help her with. We tried psychologists, but Selena would process the information differently and out think the therapist, until the therapist just did not know how to direct us to help her. We tried dietary changes, but her OCD would not allow her to eat the foods we wished her to try. Because everything was so intense for her, the diagnosis of PDD NOS was made. We chose in order to help her have a better quality of life, to medicate her. We tried several small doses of different medications until we found the right ones for her. Now her anxieties are in check, sure she still gets anxious and has her fears, but they no longer control her. She has increased her diet and will eat or at least try everything I fix and put in front of her. There are still things that she can not bring herself to do, such as read Little House on the Prairie books, as they talk about dirt floors, living in wagons, and camping on the banks of a creek. She still can not go inside the barn, and still has problems getting dirty. These things make her who she is, these are her quirks.

Back to my title: "Is Selena gifted?" Yes, very much so! "Is Selena Autistic?" Yes, very much so! Does she have a good quality of life? You bet she does. While maybe she still struggles in group activities, in no way means she doesn't have friends, doesn't run and play, it just means she is more selective to how she obtains these friendships and fulfills the need for others in her life. Truly it is no different then a person who doesn't like crowds. She handles then when necessary but it is not something she prefers to do on a daily basis.

Will she go to the extreme to educate someone on something she knows, you bet she will. Just a week ago she educated one of my Doctors all about haboobs. It wasn't long before they were kind of arguing the origin of the word. Selena grabbed my phone, looked the word up, and proved that she was 100% correct it's origin was from the Arabic Language. Of course he got an education of what a haboob is, and how it occurs. If you are feeling lost you can check out what a habood is here. Selena still has a passion to learn, she does see the world differently then her peers, but she is no different then any other child, she still plays, laughs, and enjoys the simple things.